HAIR TODAY: ON BEING A HAIRY FEMME
Living at home is exhausting. I have a solid schedule, I’m getting a lot of things done but without a full time job, I don’t have enough income to really create routine. I’m not buying the things I usually eat because Elkhart is a food desert and the only real activities I get out for involve drinking. I’m sick of drinking but I’m so bored. so so bored.
Regardless, I’ve got an interview for a job I’m actually pretty excited about—though trying not to get too excited as I’m waiting for the other shoe to drop. The job would have me using my degree and working in an industry I’ve been on the fringe of for years. I’d possibly be able to use the skills I’m most proud of—organizing and leading writing workshops, throwing parties, creative writing, and convincing people of p much whatever. The interview is on Wednesday so send out your good vibes, readers. xxxxoooo.
Now for the real topic of today’s blog post, me. JK. But really, body hair and yep, me.
I am a hairy lady and I’ve been growing my hair out in spurts since I was twenty. When I say spurts, I mean I grow it out and then I decide to shave it for some reason. These reasons vary but generally have to do with sex appeal. I’m saying I’ve been brainwashed to believe that femmes with body hair are unsexual.
Which doesn’t really jive with my general state of existence. And, being on the market as an openly queer femme woman with body hair is an interesting experience in Indiana. When I lived in Boston last year during the spring, I rode the train for the first time with full armpit hair. I was wearing a sundress and I was very conscious of the looks I received when simply reaching up to steady myself on a grip. But, about two stops later, another femme woman about my age got on the train sporting v hairy legs and full armpit hair as well and I felt safer, easier in her presence.
This doesn’t really happen in Indiana. My family is grossed out by my body hair; at least, the men are. My mother and sister find it amusing but would never sport in solidarity. Of course, I respect their choice and I’m sure if pressed they’d agree with the following sentiment: respecting women’s right to choose is everything and the most important. Abortion, body hair, pierced ears, consent, etc. A woman should always be able to control her own body. But, what’s out of control for me, the reason I’m writing this, is interrogative.
Why do I feel like I must preemptively explain my body hair to cis male partners? Why do I feel less femme when I grow out the very natural body hair on my cunt, my pits, my neck, my legs, etc? And how do I accept this part of my body and love it as much as say, the triangle of freckles on my left cheek?
First, it’s actually been very empowering to tell cis male partners about my body hair.
I usually say as we’re about to get into petting, “I’m going to tell you something: I have body hair and I like it and I’m keeping it and if you don’t like it, that’s okay but you don’t get to complain or really even speak on the subject. None of this: Your hair gets in my teeth if I go down on you, or Wow, do you ever wear dresses? Or, Damn girl. Okay? Okay. Now get back to work.”
I don’t say all of that but you get the picture? I’m trying to let it go enough to not feel that need for explanation but here’s my idea!
**I think the next key step is to wear what I usually wear in the summer with all my hair. And this is the hardest part.
I’m very weird when it comes to completing outfits and anyone close enough to me will tell you that I’ll put on four perfectly fine ensembles in succession for about two hours and settle on none of them. Often times, this indecision comes down to a microscopic detail that won’t matter in the long run but I’m obsessive sorry boutcha. Last summer, after growing out my pit hair and even performing with full body hair in lingerie, I still suffered from this most basic of classic Elysia Neurosia: nothing matched or sat right on my body until I got rid of the hair. Not sure how to figure this one out except maybe, a little bit at a time.
This last thing, the thing that I think is crucial in helping me love my hairy femme body is surrounding myself with as many hairy femmes as possible.
Youtube and instragram are helping here but I’m also keen to hear of other’s experiences, hang ups, etc so please comment or PM if you want to get into it <3
Well, that wraps up this post and probably the majority of the work I’ll be doing today. I learned last night that I’m absolutely too old to wake up at 3 am and eat left overs bc I’m totally feeling icky today. Enjoy the global warming for me, peeps, and look out for more playlist coming at ya this week! xxx