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Tonight I was minding my own beeswax and being nostalgic and rearranging my room when a bandmate called up and asked about dropping by. We ended up going for drinks even though this past week has sucked. I've barely slept and I totally intended to stay home and fold all my laundry into perfect triangles. I drank a little more than intended--which is my way--and when I got home, ended up in a conversation with a friend and her boyfriend about going to Mars.

BF asked the question: If you were invited to be of the first cohort of people to settle mars, would you go? I took it as my narcissism would and imagined that the government needed an amazing poet or blogger to document life on Mars and started twisting his question to reflect that, insisting people answer. My friend took a similar approach and began to argue her perspective and history--taking it further (which I found important and urgent and I'll talk about later)--and so the situation devolved into each of us espousing our ideal worlds in which we'd have to go to Mars. Or maybe not ideals but either end of the spectrum, right? Terror and reward are such strong motivators.

As the conversation grew, I arrived at this conclusion which I feel is important to address now and honestly I've been wanting to say this for a while so I'm just going to go right in--thank you to this pal for the segway because if you hadn't brought up this idea in our hypothetical I wouldn't have gotten to something I've been puzzling for months. Here goes:

MEN HAVE NO FUCKING CLUE WHAT IT MEANS TO HAVE A WOMAN'S HOLE. I'm going to call it a hole because that's the emptiest thing, the most bottomless, what is impossible to quantify, justify, examine, or understand. Re: why several perspectives (even loud ones like this) are important and those who shut their eyes can go die in a hole for that matter.

At this point, you're wondering where I'm going, and for once, I'm not. Here's the thing: should migration of our planet move towards mars NO MATTER THE REASON, whether conquest or necessity, there will always exist one thing. It's crucial to mankind, the backboner if you will. It's the need to survive and thrive. Ultimately, this means that women's wombs and therefore their holes get destroyed against their wills for the sake of mankind--and I find it frustrating when people argue that women feel the need to calve because the empirical fact of mankind is to go forth and multiply, i.e. survive and thrive.

Here's a factoid, there's a lot going on in this here hole and this includes the urgency to repopulate a dying nation and be among the first names in the history books of the F U T U R E but, the idea of ravage and pillage and take take take terrifies me.

Once I had a slapdash conversation with my little brother and one of his coworkers about the "Revolution." And I think about this night all the time. Right now. I'm here thinking about it. My brother is a lovely soul, if misguided. He believes in passion and freedom (and loose government and war and guns if necessary). He says he'll go wherever and he'll take whomever on the shores of our nation no matter the cost so every man can have total freedommmmm. What he and many revolutionaries don't understand is that (and all of this my fucking blogger ass opinion so shoot me please) if there's a war on our land, women will get raped. If we lose, women will get raped. We will get obliterated and pounded into new generations of terrorists and conquerors and I fucking hate that idea. I don't accept it. There's too much risk to take the bet.

Of course, I applaud bravery because I am brave too. Of necessity. I have a hole. Yet, the complexities of having a hole mean that I must also consider that the need to survive and thrive means I'll be doing things I might not want to do, that my physical body might be rejecting no matter my indoctrination, that might make me sick, and affect my mental health. As much as I'm a go get that shit, conquer a new planet, self absorbed/obsessed and committed kind of person, I have to always always consider where I might fall into something because I've got a hole. The whole time you've been reading this I hope you've hated that word as much as I've hated typing it but you've got to. You've got to start seeing things through this periscope because it is real and I'm not going to shut up about it anytime soon. I'm levitating off this computer now and imaging a world in which I didn't type up something this inflammatory (?) and have to sleep on it. But I've made my point and now maybe I'll sleep.

G'night cruel Indianapolis; I love you.

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