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Happy hollowdays folks. It's that time of year where the world pretends love, every song you hear seems to say: tip your servers poorly and get into brawls midday. But seriously.

It's a week before Christmas (and in medias res other holidaze) and that giving spirit people are supposed to have seems evaporated. 

Every table I served today tipped under 15% and let's face it, the standard is now 20% and even that's shit to live on. Then, on my way to the bus (which won't come for another brrrrrr thirty minutes) I saw a man being beaten to a bloody pulp by another man. People just watched. Hell, I just watched. It was like, "oh cool now I have something interesting to talk about at this record release I'm gonna hit later tonight."

I'm not writing this post to shame anyone except the poor tippers but I am curious: why doesn't violence frighten me anymore? There's been so much violence this holiday season and I can't be bothered. One word: privilege. 

I really thought about it today reading about Manila's president enforcing a murder spree against drug related offenders: 56 murders in 35 days. My privilege had me thinking something like, maybe I should go to Manila? God. Sometimes I really do think I'm Daenerys Targaryen. Or some other queen. Your queen. But it's only bc I'm not in medias res violence right? Like I wouldn't imagine myself some glowing lady savior bringing fire down on President Duterte otherwise. 

This new year I want to be less like I'll save you. I want to find a better way to feel useful. I also want to be less petty and I want to fight more agreeably with my gf. Ok ok I'll update resolutions as I better come to terms with the rest of my hollowday terribleness. 


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