Right now I'm at work, having blasted through most of what I was supposed to accomplish today, I'm here: feeling guilty for not writing but feeling ready finally to lay down what the hell has happened the last three weeks. The last time I wrote was also a new moon. Hear that? I was in a cycle and what a cycle it was.
I slept with a number of people, finally got a cute girl into my bed which was a blast. Stuff took off with Twolips. We played First Friday at Square Cat Vinyl with this outrageous heartthrob guitar guy who's appeal lands perfectly at the feet of teenage girls cause that was literally the bulk of our audience. I gave them free condoms because I am a nut. And because it took forever to label them all, "Thanks for cumming. Tinyterriblethings.bandcamp.com" Too much fun.
Then I had a week or so off from music but got wrapped up in a whirwind of paling around and calling up my loyal fuck buddy for an energetic romp. But then music picked right back up and we began making tapes for record store day and trying to write a new song which I hope to have a recording of soon, it's called South for the Summer, and it's my brainchild as inspired by a ditty Cameron and Michael wrote. Dear diary, I've almost got you up to speed.
Today is a day for tying up loose ends. Here are mine:
I am writing a chapbook for a friend's album (EXCITING STUFF LOOK OUT FOR IT SOON) that I promised to finish this week.
I am rearranging furniture at my house because the dude I’m subleasing from finally got the rest of his shit.
I am writing you to let you know what I think this next new moon has me going and
FINALLY HERE’S THE MEAT IF YOU’RE ONLY READING FOR THE MEAT.
I’m learning more about my relationship/love drives.
The other day, Molly and I were hashing out our latest crushes and how we’re coping and we uncovered something. We realized that my early love for renaissance literature, books by Tamora Pierce, and Camelot, has deeply shaped my sexuality. I LOVE ME SOME YOUNG SQUIRE. Remember how a month or so ago, I explained that when I look for sex, I look at femme girls and super masculine men but when I look for sparks, I hit that middle ground in the spectrum which is why I’ve ended up dating so many trans men/genderqueer individuals. Well, I have more insight.
I’ve long had this dream that I’m a lady knight who earned her knighthood by pretending to be a boy. If you’ve read Tamora Pierce’s Lioness series, you’ll understand. But, the fantasy has length and breadth, man. So I’m this lady knight before I’m outed as a woman, me and my young squire are in the heat of battle. We’re around the same age but I’m his superior. Things get tight and I end up saving my young squire’s life. He finds himself indebted to me and feeling a rush of emotion and we kiss. And then he’s like HOLD ON ONE SECOND AM I A GAY MAN? And then I reveal my luscious hair and boobies and he’s still confused about his sexuality and now more willing to explore things like pegging and then we ride off into the sunset.
DOES THIS RESONATE WITH ANYONE ELSE?
On to the new moon. Darcy you aren’t going to believe this (even though we’ve discussed if briefly) but I finally got all the fucking around out of my system methinks. Now, I’m ready to look at people as people and try to open myself to being seen as well. I want to spend these next weeks getting better routines in place for eating, sleeping, yoga, and money. I’m already riding my bike to work everyday and loving it even if my legs aren’t. So that’s where I’ll leave you, the image of my young squire still hopefully burning in your mind’s eye. SOMEONE HELP KEEP ME ACCOUNTABLE.
ALSO, don’t forget to check out Molly and I’s new initiative: ASKGREENGIRLS.COM