Not fucking them over but actually fucking them.
I'm a hypocrite--always have been. I will give you the best advice but 9/10 it's something I know I should be doing or should have done in a particular situation. And most recently, I kept spewing this idea: "Don't fuck your friends." Living in Boston was what ultimately made me see this perspective. The community of my MFA was small and most people had spouses or partners, so my usual strategy of going to a party, shooting laser beams at a potential lover and carrying them home on the back of my bike for sex acts wasn't really gonna cut it anymore. So I lived and learned, and got a steady girlfriend after another steady girlfriend. When in Rome.
Here, all my friends are single and mingling. The first weekend I was all sorted in the circle city sneaking around on Tinder, I spotted four of my friends and it was like open season for them. First of all, I left Indiana a recognizable "Muncie Lesbian," and came back a "Bisexual." I mean, I'd always been bi, but I feared my male friends trying to hook up with me so I kept in on the lowdown. But here and now, they're all so familiar. They see me both as a person and as a sexual being and the temptation to make-out with all of them and see how it goes has been strong.
(check out the double cigs and bikes from back when I was a Muncie trash person/lezzie)
If you read my last blog post, you'll know I was recently trying to get it in with an old friend and that was fun while it lasted but I don't see it working out. Regardless, it got me thinking. When things ended between that most recent dude pretty oddly, I went back to my original notion: Don't Fuck Your Friends. But, then I fucked another one of my friends and this time it's so good. Why do we choose our friends to hook up with? When I pursue women, I tend to reach outside my inner circle, either a babe I meet at a party or online, not my bffs. That doesn't mean I haven't hooked up with lady friends before, but that I can confidently say I left that attitude back with my "Muncie Lesbian" haircut.
I've always kinda viewed men as convenient--like sexual vending machines. Whereas women take a three course meal to woo.
(of course these statements don't reflect all men or all women but I waffle between either end of the spectrum when I seek out sexual partners, not romantic relationships. Let me break that down. I want to have sex with either femme women or vvv masculine dudes because usually that's all that their chill for. In my experience, men have gotten needy right quick and tried to domesticate me while the femmes I hook up with are too aloof and puzzling and I can only take the excitement for a brief stint. So. When I end up actually romantically dating someone it's usually a less genderable individual because I get sick of the roleplaying and I'm not sure how to stop it on my end or my partner's quite yet. Phew. End aside.)
But now, the whole fucking/not fucking friends thing has me in a pickle. The sweetheart I'm seeing rn is someone who I was vulnerable with a long time ago who seems to value my independence and personhood and is also the best lay I've had probably--sorry other people. So gah. How do I crack this code? I don't want to fall back into something rigid and sterile and that I've been doing for frankly far too long. But the animal instincts are screaming at me to betty crocker the fuck up even though I know he prefers me at my "Muncie Lesbian" best.
HOW LADIES OF THE WORLD, do you manage these weird gendered interactions in your daily life? Have you fucked your friends and want to give me some advice you wished you'd
taken? I'm all ears.
p.s. thanks to my roomie, michelle for the sick sex in the city title idea.