AM I THE ONLY ONE WHO NEEDS MOOD LIGHTING TO WRITE THIS

Hello website. Hello identity constructing machine. Jesus H Macy I just recently started the whole twittering thing and I’m having a crisis with the public/private, which I haven’t thought about since Woolf. I cleaned my entire house before writing this. You know, I think I always take beginnings so seriously. I was thinking this as I vacuumed my house. I always do that last. It’s satisfying to see every final ribbon of puppy-shredded newspaper and soy sauce packets sucked into the void, especially after a long week of living the mess.

My thought: it’s not the beginnings I should freak out over anymore.

Like the ending is super rough. For a moment you coast. Then you wrap the cord back around the vacuum and you wheel it to its tiny closet. And maybe you think about rearranging some paintings on the wall or maybe you accept that now you have to begin again.

Finishing this book and finishing my MFA felt good for the first few months of the last year, before I had to start preparing for whatever lurked between cauterization and finding a real job. Right now I’m waitressing and don’t worry, I’ll write about that soon. I was waitressing when I found out this book had been snatched up like a babe in a cradle. And honestly, I was at first like WTF. I’d just settled into being a person who works and doesn’t hope and doesn’t move towards anything but a pay check or finally escaping from under a mound of vet bills in my case. I asked, can I do this? and can I give everything I want to give to this project? The first answer was, yes. The second was, figure out what the hell you want to give.

So here I am.

I’ve recently asked a hot dozen of lady-identifying artists to collaborate, by creating work in conversation with my poems. There will be some delicious surprise almond joys in the bundle. Will keep you all posted on that end. In doing this asking though, I figured out one goal:

I want create a space for women to interact with my book.

These women creating art in response are amazing. I want to see them share their ideas and their stories and their drafts and their final drafts. That is what this book is for me. And it feels so good to have that space. I want to break the plastic crown in pieces and give to as many ladies as I can.

At some point, I’ll be writing more on why I chose only lady-identifying artists and contributors so please don’t rush to assume. Honestly, that is a big anxiety subject for me with the book as a whole so if you want to have a dialogue, pm me or email me. I’ll answer.

So much thrill to feel done with this post but look out for more.

E